Long Covid Christmas Crackers

In which Katya gives Hannah a call to tell her long covid/christmas-themed jokes.

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Theme Song: Harry Gould
Artwork: Ellie Atkinson

Transcript

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Jingle

I'm having a good day minute hour week, what to do and how to be with the beans given to me, me and my bounded energy.

Katya 00:17

Hello, welcome back to the podcast. It's a short one today, Hannah and I looked at our schedules, and realized that our next chance to record wouldn't be until January. And so I wanted to put out something cheering for the holiday season. I don't know about you, but sometimes the holidays actually make me feel worse about my long COVID I think maybe the illness is harder to hide because of the back to back social engagements that line up around this time of year. It's harder to manage symptoms, when there are so many other things and people demanding your attention. So I wanted to put out something short and sweet for you to listen to maybe as you take a bath or do some stretching or lying in bed. That's that's when I listened to podcasts. And so as we didn't have time to record a full episode, with the mission of cheering us all up. The other day, I thought up some jokes about long COVID. And then Hannah very kindly agreed to listen to them. So I'll call her in a minute, and we'll see how those go down. I had a few doubts. Like, is it wildly inappropriate to joke about chronic illness? I felt like, I dunno, people are easily offended these days. But I just think sometimes you have to laugh it at this stuff, don't you? It's kind of a coping mechanism. So yeah, we'll do that. And then after that, I wanted to share an exercise that I ended up doing with my therapist a few weeks ago. Maybe I haven't mentioned it, but I started talking therapy about six months ago to help with the absolute havoc that this illness wreaked on my mental health. And it's actually been going really well. And I'll speak about it a bit more with Hannah on the next episode.

Katya  02:06

Okay, let's give Hannah a call

Hannah  02:18

hey, how are you? Hey,

Katya02:22

I'm good. I'm having like, my computer's crashing because I have too many like games on it. Oh, oh, it's just not a problem like I expected to have. But yeah, how are you?

Hannah  02:35

I'm just on the sofa just coming to. I'm having my coffee. I nearly finished with my cup. And yeah, I got I woke up at about nine. And like, yeah, I've got outta bed at about half nine. So waking up to the world.

Katya 02:52

It just feels like 10 o'clock just feels impossibly early for you. When you when you said 10 o'clock. I was kind of like, Oh, she probably means three. Laughs

Hannah  03:05

Well I thought you know, well, I like I've been getting up really early for work recently. So I know when I force myself to do it. I can do it. It's juston the  weekends if I let my body clock reign, then I'll yeah. Get upway later. But no, I'm okay. I can chat now, I've had enough time.

Katya  03:29

Okay. Um, how was Chris's grandma yesterday? 

Hannah  03:33

Yeah good, she is 98

Katya03:36

Oh my god. Yeah. So

Hannah  03:39

you know, we bought her some flowers went over and  she was having fish and chips. As like a treat. lunch.

Katya  03:53

That's so cute.

Hannah  03:55

Yeah, she's having lots of lots of gifts, like loads of chocolate and all sorts. 

Katya04:02

I feel like healthy eating goes all out the window when you hit 90. 

Hannah  04:07

Yeah, definitely. 

Katya  04:08

It's like, what are you what are you preparing for? You know? Yeah, yeah. Okay,

Hannah  04:16

how was how's your weekend so far?

Katya04:18

It's good. Like Matty said. Yesterday, I was in such a good mood. He was like, firstly, it's been my first week of the pill, Hannah. And I feel so much better. Honestly. It's been a week. And I just feel like it's like clearer, slightly less anxious. 

Hannah  04:37

That's so interesting. Yeah. See how I mean, hormones are weird. So just take, I wouldn't like get to like, I don't know. Maybe in like a few weeks time maybe it will settle down. Yeah, I don't know. You know what I mean?

Katya  04:55

I do. It's good advice. Because like, when I got my asthma inhaler, I thought my long COVID was was cured and then I was really disappointed. So, yeah, like, maybe I've had a good week. 

Hannah  05:06

Take the Hannah approach which is just like hope for nothing, and then be pleasantly surprised when things turn out well

Katya05:14

yeah, yeah. Okay. Okay, you ready to hear my jokes? Yeah. Okay. I'm ready. So, so nervous. I would absolutely hate me comedian, bloody hell!. But I was just thinking, Okay, I just thinking that there should be something cheery. And then I was like, Okay, well, I'll just write some jokes. So I wrote them on the train home. And I told them to Matty, and he didn't get any of them. But my, my thinking is, is because he doesn't know like the chronic illness, language and themes. So like, he didn't know that long hauler was like someone who's had COVID for a long time, or like, first wave. And then he didn't he also didn't get you know, have you heard of the spoons thing. Yeah, it was fight. Everyone's heard of the idea that like, you have so many spoons and you use them up, we ended up using beans. Like just kind of naturally, I think I got like, attacked for that on Twitter. Someone was like, this is just a bastardization of The Spoon Theory. I didn't, I didn't respond to that message.

Hannah  06:27

 I like beans more for me, it makes more sense in my head, like a jar full of beans that goes down like, spoons is just weird for me. I'm like, I can't visualize how many spoons I have. And then how they reduce the number. It just doesn't make any sense. 

Hannah  06:45

A jar is like a contained thing that you can visualize going down. I don't know. I've never really gelled with the spoon theory thing. I'm too literal with it. Where the f*** are these spoons coming from , like, what's going on?

Katya  07:03

It's very Hagrid, isn't it? Like I can imagine Hagrid from Harry Potter has like a pocketfull of spoons, but I just maybe it's like an immaturity thing as well though, Hannah. Like my mum tracks the spoons and buys more when we need more. Anyway, okay. Others This is my first joke. This one's like a proper joke. Okay, I'll see if you get it. Two long haulers. John and Mary are in bed together after a successful first date. 'Sorry Mary' says Johnny. 'I'm too tired for sex'. 'Well, that's alright'. Mary says. 'Can you spoon me instead?' 'I can't tonight says Johnny. I'm all out of spoons'. 'Oh not to worry', says Mary. 'I've bought a spare'

Hannah  07:51

Okay, yeah, I get it. I get it. It's like so you sort of. It feels like a lot of ways of using the term spoon mashed together

Katya  08:02

because it's like what the f*** are you going to do with a spoon?

Hannah  08:06

Yeah, go ahead. Okay. Um,

Katya08:11

the rest are all Christmas crackers. You know how Christmas crackers have sjiyjokes. Yeah, so these are these are all long COVID themed Christmas crackers. What did the what did the long hauler want out of the carol service

Hannah  08:29

for it to be over quick.

Katya  08:31

 A Silent Night.

Katya  08:34

How many long holders does it take to change a light bulb? none. We prefer the dark.

Hannah  08:44

Okay,

Katya  08:45

why did the long hauler miss Taco Tuesdays?

Katya  08:50

because they didn't have any beans.

Hannah  08:52

HahI like it. Yeah, these are these are good Katya

Katya  08:57

Right! Why was the tree surgeon wearing ear defenders and a face mask?

Hannah  09:06

I don't know.

Katya  09:07

 Because he's a log caller.

Hannah  09:11

Got it. Okay. Yeah.

Katya  09:14

Okay, this one I'll just I'll read and I won't let you guys because I think this one maybe doesn't work anyway. But how does a long hauler count down the New Year? 10 9 8 ... 7... 6.... No, 7... I give up.

Hannah  09:32

Okay, yeah, I guess like them falling asleep halfway through the countdown. 

Katya  09:37

Yeah,  or muddled. What macronutrients create the longhaulers body. 

Hannah  09:45

I'm not sure 

Katya  09:48

fats, carbohydrate and the spike protein.

Katya  09:53

I don't know if that's too dark.

Hannah  09:55

What's the spike protein

Katya09:57

or the spike protein is the okay my biology is not great, but it's the part of the Coronavirus that they think gets stuck in your body and like, you know, there's that, you know, there's that theory that it's like, what's the word that your immune system is? You know, there's that theory that like, your immune system is constantly fighting COVID

Hannah  10:18

 Yeah, yeah,

Katya  10:20

Maybe that's a bit dark.

Hannah  10:22

You know, it's, I've also learned something.

Katya  10:28

My mum, my mum keeps calling me. Okay, so that those are my COVID jokes. I actually think they're probably good enough. Do you want to hear like, do you want to hear the worst joke ever? That Matty told my dad yesterday. 

Hannah  10:42

Oh, god. Okay, 

Katya  10:43

so this was truly unbearable. And I definitely won't put on the podcast. But I me and Matty had gone home. Okay. And then I hadn't bought my toothbrush. So I was like, ah, Mom, Dad, I don't have a toothbrush. So dad was like, Oh, don't worry, you can share mine. Dad goes upstairs and brings down his electric toothbrush, and like a fresh like a brand new head. And he's just like, okay, so all you have to do Katya. My dad explains everything. As if I've never used electric toothbrush. He's like, so just take that out of the packet, put it on a toothbrush, brush your teeth, take off the head, and then give it back to me. And Matty goes ***************

Hannah  11:20

What????

Katya  11:25

Right. To my dad. I just had... I froze. My dad didn't understand it.

Hannah  11:34

Matty you should be ashamed of yourself

Hannah  11:37

Right? Filthy. It was like it was daylight in the kitchen.

Hannah  11:41

That's so funny. Like, I love when like, people just like absolutely 100% misjudge a social moment.

Katya  11:50

I know. Oh, he's just lucky, though, that my dad was I guess so innocent and didn't even like resonate. ,

Hannah  11:58

yeah, yeah exactly... bless! (laughing)

Hannah  12:03

What do you up to today?

Hannah  12:05

So Chris and I are going to go try and go on a little walk around the village to forage for like cuttings, like evergreen cuttings that I can make a wreath with. 

Katya  12:17

Oh, nice. 

Hannah  12:19

So yeah, it's something we've been wanting to do for a few weeks, but I'm just been too tired on the weekends to do it. But yeah, I might manage a short walk today. Yeah. And also, I'm feeling a little bit bolder this weekend. Because next week, I don't have to go on to campus. I'm just working from home completely. So I don't need to be quite so cautious with saving my energy.

Hannah  12:48

Yeah, I know exactly how you mean, I make plans like that as well. Like, I'll be more bold because I can work from home or last bold because I have something coming up. 

Hannah  12:58

Yeah, 

Katya  12:58

but okay. All right. Let's let's stop, Hannah. Don't waste your energy on me. Send me a picture of your reef. That sounds like such a cute, wholesome thing to do.

Hannah  13:06

okay! I will I will.

Katya  13:08

Alright, buddy. Lots of love. Bye.

Katya 13:13

Okay, well, that that went pretty well, actually. I think there's, I think those went down. Probably should have thought up some more since I think I'm going to title this episode. Long COVID Christmas crackers. Okay, if you have any long COVID jokes, or long COVID Christmas crackers, please send them my way. And I promise I'll share them on the next episode. Because I think we need more lightness here. Also, if you want to know what Matty's joke was, I definitely can't say what that was on the podcast, but send over your guesses. And I'll let you know if you're right. Our email address is bounded energy@gmail.com. 

Katya  14:00

Okay, so moving on. This is an exercise I did in therapy. And it was just listing out what I've gained from being ill for the last two years. I should maybe say that kind of even when I seem well. I always have long COVID Which means that even on good days, I experience you know, nausea, brain fog, breathlessness and fatigue. I think of it as like a cosmic microwave background radiation to my life. And then on the bad days, it can be sort of a supernova, just blocking everything else out. But yeah, my therapist got me to actually spell out what I've gained from this and it took a really happy turn. Because there were a few things so I wanted to share this in the hope that it kind of picks someone else up. Okay. 

Katya  14:52

Number one, I've realized that most people are walking around with some kind of personal catastrophe just under the surface, everyone over a certain age has lost parents, friends, health, and everyone's at different stages in the healing processes. Like sometimes wounds are raw, you know, there was a time in my longCOVID when, if somebody said the wrong thing, for example, Don't you just love Zumba? They could actually make me cry. And sometimes their wounds are more healed, right? Like, last week, I had a 20 minute conversation with someone whose hobby is fitness. And I was genuinely fine. This realization that everybody has some kind of like, major shit going on. I think I'm a slightly kinder person for this realization, like not everybody has long COVID. But that doesn't mean they aren't suffering too. And I think I genuinely didn't think like this. Until I got long COVID. 

Katya  15:52

Number 2. I fallen back in love with stories with books and audiobooks. I've realized aloud in therapy, that watching television is worse for my mental health than listening to books or reading, because everybody on the shows I watch is the picture of health. You know that James Bond movie, I think is the first one Casino Royale wher eJames Bond literally has a heart attack, and dies. And then Eva Green gets there in time and shocks him back to life. And he just gets up and continues the movie. In television, the main characters are never sick, they're rarely even hung over. I'm thinking of like, not or not convincingly at least like Cameron Diaz in The Holiday when she comes downstairs. And she's supposed to be like, absolutely hanging, but she's glowing, because she's Cameron Diaz, just, I don't know, in fiction, I don't see any of that. I read books about people who struggle, who are crippled by anxiety or illness or loss. And maybe I'm a terrible person. But I love it. Just yeah, stories all the way. But also, like, Thank God for television, because imagine having chronic fatigue and not being able to numb out. But yeah, long COVID reconnected me to books. 

Katya  17:15

And then finally, an appreciation for my body. Yeah, I haven't directly mentioned this. But because, I think there's still some shame around it. But for quite a big period of my life, I had a disordered relationship with my body and with food, as I'm sure many, many people have, I think it's quite hard to grow up in the age of the internet without those kinds of thoughts. But I used to genuinely think that bits of my body needed to be changed for aesthetic reasons. And I spent a lot of time and energy considering this. Looking back now, it seems ludicrous that I didn't recognize that my healthy, strong body that could do like a one minute plank and walk for hours was anything but perfect. Now kind of when I think about my body, like there is sometimes a frustration, but there's a deep sense of gratitude, like, thank God that I can walk and do stuff. Like, maybe I didn't have the latest model, some of the software is a bit rusty. But it's like, it's still an incredible piece of machinery, kind of complaining about my body now feels like complaining about only having the iPhone five, because the iPhone X or whatever is quicker or shinier. It's like it's still an iPhone, you know, some people are working with a string andplastic cups. Maybe not my best analogy, but but something like that. 

Katya  18:40

So yeah, that's it, I got three great takeaways from what is let's face it most of the time, a pretty rotten illness. This exercise was really great for me. And I really recommend trying it. And I would love to hear from you. What has long COVID or other chronic illness taught you? What has changed for the better. There will be something. 

Katya  19:07

Yeah, that's it for me. I love receiving emails from our listeners. We received one this week from Patrick in South Africa that actually inspired me and Hannah to tackle a conversation about mental health next. So thank you so much to Patrick, and thanks to everybody who reaches out on email. So yeah, if you're a listener and you have something to say, if you have any long COVID jokes. Be bold. Send them my way. All right. Our address is bounded energy@gmail.com Okay, that's it for now. Merry Christmas, everybody. 

Jingle  19:45

I'm having a good day.