In this first episode, Katya blames her mysterious illness on a bicycle, Hannah frets about spending a week alone in an increasingly messy house, and Katya does a rap.
We want to hear about your experiences! What do you do with your bounded energy?
Email: boundedenergy@gmail.com
Twitter/Instagram: boundedenergy
Transcripts available on our website: www.boundedenergy.co.uk
Theme Song: Harry Gould
Artwork: Ellie Atkinson
In this first episode, Katya blames her mysterious illness on a bicycle, Hannah frets about spending a week alone in an increasingly messy house, and Katya does a rap.
We want to hear about your experiences! What do you do with your bounded energy?
Email: boundedenergy@gmail.com
Twitter/Instagram: boundedenergy
Transcripts available on our website: www.boundedenergy.co.uk
Theme Song: Harry Gould
Artwork: Ellie Atkinson
Bounded Energy
Episode 1 – Post Covid & a Podcast
SPEAKERS
Hannah, Katya
Hannah
Chris has gone away today! He's gone away with his mates on a little lads’ trip. I waved goodbye to him at 11:30. And it’s just that, since I had COVID, we just haven't been apart. So it just feels really weird that he's gone. Also, he does so much around the house! He's gonna come back, and the house is going to be a complete state. I won't have done the dishes. There's going to be cat hair everywhere. Oh, God!
Katya
I totally have that. I have that because I just don't do housework anymore. But I remember - it wasn't at the beginning of COVID, but I was still really bad - I had been alone in the flat by myself for a week or something, and I would just take stuff out and put nothing back like I would take off my clothes and just walk away from them… And then I think something happened that meant Matty went back to the flat before I had gone home and done an emergency clean (which takes a whole day anyway). And I think he sent me a message that was just “you live like a pig love”! And it's been a year now, so it's really hard to still be like … but I still... genuinely cannot tidy this shit up!
Hannah
Yeah. We'll see what this week brings. Yeah, I feel quite anxious that he's gone. I feel quite nervous. I'm like, I don't know what I'm anxious about. I just feel a sense of unease in my body that he's not here, which is a bit weird…. I don't want to be dependent on him and his cleaning abilities!
Katya
Sings: I'm having a good day (minute/hour/week). What to do and how to be, with the beans given to me, me and my bounded energy... Hi, you're listening to Bounded Energy with me, Katya.
Hannah
And me, Hannah.
Katya
We met at uni and have been close friends for over 10 years now. In this series, we discuss the ups and downs of living a life with less energy than you'd originally planned to have.
Hannah
Recently, our energy has been bounded by long COVID. But we also want to hear about your experiences. Send us questions and comments at boundedenergy@gmail.com. Or find us on social media at bounded energy. Medical disclaimer, we are not doctors and we are not giving medical advice. If you are struggling with any of the issues discussed in the podcast, please seek professional help.
Katya
Yeah, I was thinking about this yesterday, just that sense of like, not only are we not doctors, but I also deliberately avoid medical literature on COVID Because I just find it Yeah, triggering.
Hannah
Yeah.
Katya
Hi, this is Katya. And just before we begin, I need to do a quick intro. Because Hannah and I are old friends, but total noobs. And in this first episode, we just dived straight in. We were so excited to talk to each other that you'll probably notice we seem to forget anyone else is listening. So just an FYI. When Hannah mentions Chris, that's her partner. And when I talk about Matty, he's mine. An American friend of mine mentioned that our voices sound really similar. So for the record, the lady with the soft croaky voice is Hannah, and this is me. But if you really can't tell who is who, there are transcripts on our website. In this episode, Hannah and I talk about how we ended up with long COVID and how it's changed our lives for the worse and the better. I hope you enjoy listening to it as much as we enjoyed making it. Okay, yeah, should we start them?
Hannah
it's really hard for me to remember... I got COVID I think for the first time in March 2020. And I had mild symptoms, but the fatigue set in pretty quickly. And I've just never been the same since that time. And the long COVID initially was breathlessness, extreme fatigue. But since I've had COVID a subsequent two more times in December 2020. And then in June 2022, my long COVID symptoms have shifted slightly. So after the second time of getting it I started to get weird neurological symptoms which have subsided now. Since the third time of getting it I've noticed now my long COVID is characterized by much more like muscle aching and muscle stiffness. Yeah, so what my long COVID has looked like has changed over the two plus years that I've had it
Katya
When did you get diagnosed as having long COVID and what were you like then? You just had it for so long! You got sick in March, and it's not until the next year that it has a name. I think the really hard thing with long COVID is when do you know it's long COVID. When do you stop waiting for yourself to get better? I have a memory of one day in August 2021. My fatigue was slowly setting in. And it didn't have a name, and I wasn't really believing in it. And I rode my bike to go and get a flu jab with Matty. And on the way there, I thought I had a flat tire. I thought I had two flat tires. And Matty checked my tires. And he was like, no, they're totally fine Katya. And I made him switch bikes. I just didn't believe that my tire wasn't flat. I felt like I was cycling through water. Yeah. And I just had that memory. And it's because I was in denial. So much denial that I didn't think there's anything wrong with me. I was like the bike is broken!
Hannah
Umm that would have been in 2021. It was probably then because when I started really giving it a name and being like, 'Yes, this is long COVID', was when I got referred to the long COVID clinic. And that would have been in 2021, you know, over a year after actually getting COVID. Because when I first got COVID, there were no clinics. So it was something that I had to wait for. I remember at the start of the pandemic, people just didn't know that long COVID was a thing. It was just like, wow, these symptoms are hanging around, and like, I'm really not getting better. And I've heard other people aren't getting better as well. And then, just over time, our awareness grew. And yeah, I was like, Oh, crap, I think I'm one of those people. Yeah, where it's just sticking around. Oh, god. Yeah, it took me a while to accept it as well. I mean, you know, a good few months before I was like, right, this thing is here to stay, and I need to start living differently. When I was first recovering from it. I thought that my breathing would get better by gradually training myself to get back into exercise. So I was taking the stairs all the time, and then I would be getting up to the wards panting! Oh, my God! I thought this is what I had to do to build my strength up. But all I was doing was just like making myself so much worse. I was really just tackling it as if I was just trying to get back on track after a cold or something, you know?
Katya
What were the worst symptoms? By the time you went to the long COVID clinic, what were you still suffering from?
Hannah
By the time I got to the clinic, I was still suffering from the fatigue. So just the extreme exhaustion and feeling like, I had no choice but to lie down. And dizziness, dizziness was a big problem for me. It's not so much nowadays, but it was at the start. And the breathlessness. The shortness of breath was still there. And it would creep in after really, really light activity. And it would creep in when I was doing nothing. Yeah, I mean, I remember trying to come back to work after having been off ill with COVID. And then I was sitting in a meeting and I could just feel my breathing, just start to get really, really, like labored and I was just trying to keep calm and be like, 'Look, it's fine. Just take some deep breaths and it will pass' but it wasn't it was just getting worse and worse. And then my boss turned to me and was like, 'are you okay?' And I said, 'I'm sorry. And she my poor boss had to drive me home! So then I kind of had to stay at home for a little bit longer and try again. Yeah, it was so strange because the breathing would come out of nowhere and it felt so just out of sync with how I would be feeling! So like in the meeting, I was feeling pretty relaxed. I was feeling really excited. Because I was starting something new at work. And then yeah,
Katya
And then your body 'ahh! Your mind is like 'oh how great' and your body is like 'I'm in hell!'
Hannah
Yeah 'shut this down now!'. So I think when I got really scared was when I was getting neurological symptoms and yeah, like just weird sort of shooting and tingling sensations like electric shock sensations in my neck and feeling really dizzy and like when I was walking, I was veering off to one side. All of that has subsided now, but yeah, that was when I was like, Ah, I'm Yeah, this isn't right. This isn't okay. I think I need to go to the doctor.
Katya
The verring off to one side I've had. And that's terrifying because that can happen on the side of a road! Yeah, I've had it for I think I'm walking straight. And then I'm, I'm not, I'm somewhere else.
Hannah
Yeah! And I would have it where I felt like I was keeping central, but I was having to work really hard to keep myself working walking centrally...
Katya
It's a bit like, when I would play Xbox with my brothers, and I'd be given the rubbish control. Yeah, you'd be jamming to the left, but your own body is malfunctioning. Yeah.
Hannah
Yeah.
Katya
I remember being surprised or noticing that it didn't get better with sleep.
Hannah
Yeah. I would wake up feeling like I hadn't slept, or, or feeling like I was jet lagged or something. I mean, I've never been a morning person. Like, I wake up. I'm always groggy. And it takes me a little while. But I mean, this was like, on a whole other level. Where it would take me like, a couple of hours, to feel like I was sort of functioning anywhere near what I would expect for myself in the daytime.
Katya
I had the opposite. I had the devastation of waking up in the morning. And for 10 seconds feeling okay. And then the realization when I tried to move some of my part of my body, that actually I still wasn't okay, just crushed me. It reminds me of when I lost my voice for 12 weeks, I would dream that I could speak. And then in the morning, when I tried to speak, and nothing came out. I just had this huge wave of sadness. And the same thing happened at the start of long COVID. I would forget that I was ill overnight while I was sleeping, wake up in the morning and just, it all comes back. Yeah, it's just like...
Hannah
yeah. Would you kind of have a period of time in the morning where you were moving about feeling normal? And then it would creep in?
Katya
At the beginning? No. But as I got better, yeah, yeah. As I got better. Yeah. And I would say there were times when I actually would deliberately tire myself to remind myself that I was sick. So because my mornings are slow, I would maybe deliberately make myself climb some stairs just to... because that sense of unreality is a real thing. Yeah, I regularly forget that I'm sick because I've adjusted my life so dramatically! Like these last six weeks, I barely left my flat. So if I have a day where I'm comfortably walking around the fat, I can forget that - laughs- there's a reason i've been in the flat for 6 weeks!!!
Hannah
Yeah, yeah, totally. I do that all the time. I mean, my life is so so low in activity now I forget sometimes just how ill I am. And then when you try to do stuff that's like anywhere near what you used to do, and it's like...! But that sense of unreality though, a feeling like this isn't real, like this is just all in my head.
Katya
Yeah. Yeah. (joking voice) Have you ever thought that maybe it is in your head Hannah? -both laugh-. You know the day someone told me to try exercising, and I thought about explaining that I can't possibly exercise. And then I just thought ... I'll think about it. Okay, I've thought about it.
Hannah
-laughs- Have you tried pushing yourself further down a hole?
Katya
Have you tried not being a whiny little bitch?
Hannah
-both laugh-
Katya
Is there anything else you want to say about what long COVID was like at the beginning?
Hannah
The thing is I don't want to tell a sob story or be like, oh, woe is me. I had such a hard time. I don't want to reach out for sympathy or anything. But I think because I had COVID so early in the pandemic. It was pretty lonely at the beginning, because I heard of people that were struggling to bounce back from COVID after getting it around the same time as me, but they were signed off sick at home and they weren't colleagues I knew. So there just wasn't really anyone to talk to. I'm sure if I'd really looked, I could have found people online. But like, I just didn't have the time or energy to do that. And so yeah, I just didn't have anyone in my immediate circle that was going through the same thing. So yeah, it was pretty lonely. And then Katya came along. -both laugh - Yeah, but what about you? When did you get long? COVID? And what was it like at the start for you?
Katya
So I got COVID for sure in May 2021. And then just like you, Hannah, I just didn't get much better. It was like I had a brief improvement from May. But I just had this fatigue lingering at the back of everything. And fatigue isn't the word. I had to explain it to one of my colleagues yesterday, because I feel like you say, you know, by September, I have chronically fatigued and they're like, oh, yeah, yeah, they think they know. I said it's like running a marathon on no food and then being given bad news at the finish line. It's that complete exhaustion that for me is always just the other side of hysteria. And from my, my May downhill walk to September, September, almost through to end of October, November I was basically bed bound. Literally just going from the bed to the toilet to the kitchen and back. And I just... who knew that watching television or reading books, or even listening to someone talk to you would be so difficult and be tiring? Yeah, but then, then I just slowly got better. I didn't get better in that I was ever exercising or dancing. But I slowly returned to normal working hours. I would say August 22 was my absolute health peak since COVID. But that was still like sitting or lying down. 22/23 hours a day.
Hannah
Yeah. I do remember that time because you... you sounded a lot more hopeful around that time.
Katya
Yeah. Yeah,
Hannah
I know. Yeah. And in my head that was the story. It was like, okay, Katya is gonna recover. -laughs- And leave you on your own!!! -laughs- But but then then that didn't happen. That kind of period of hope that you had over the summer just didn't then materialize into recovery.
Katya
Yeah, I guess I got sick in August last month. And it was so awful. I can't explain it. I had almost let myself forget what long COVID is like at it's worst. I took a month off work. I spent pretty much all of September in bed. And just something I want to mention is just the loneliness of it. Because when you don't have the energy to talk or to sit up, it's so hard to not spend a lot of time by yourself.
Hannah
Yeah, definitely. I think like, oh, I should reach out to someone. But yeah, that requires energy I don't have and being on the phone listening to someone talk at me and trying to formulate my responses in a conversation is really hard to do. And yeah, exhausting in its own right. So yeah, that stops me.
Katya
So yeah, Hannah, for you now. What's long COVID like?
Hannah
Umm, for me long COVID is just a very small, slow, quiet life.
Katya
-laughs- I haven't been to your house, but I can just see you in your garden.
Hannah
Yeah!! Just like sitting on the bench in my garden staring into space. -laughs- It's a sad... -laughs- No, I mean, one of the great things is that I am still able to work full time, but I've changed job. And I try to see friends maybe like once every two to three weeks. I try to do something. But it can only really be one thing a weekend. Yeah. But I mean, outside of that, I mean, I really don't do much else. I read, I listen to audiobooks, I rest and lie down a lot. I don't really do any exercise, hardly any activity. The only activity I do is occasionally if I'm feeling up to it, I'll do a bit of gardening but otherwise, I save my energy to allow me to do the short walks that I need to do around the house or to get from my car to the office. I save my energy for those essential things I need to do.
Katya
I was gonna say to the exercise thing... because I have a friend who messaged me the other day because he is starting to get long, COVID symptoms, but he's still exercising. And his question to me was, should I still exercise? And I kind of said, I've no idea. Yeah, I have no idea. But it is that thing of ... your energy is less than it was. And you have to choose what you do with it carefully. I don't exercise because I need energy to talk to my family and to be present at work. And if I were to, like, go on a bike ride, and then take three days off, I mean, I couldn't imagine going on a bike ride, but... living a normal life. It's smaller. It's my house and my garden and work and friends, but not all in one day. And, yeah, exercise is something I gave up so I could have that normal, small life. But I worry about my health. What does it mean to have not done any exercise in a year?
Hannah
Yeah. What does that mean for my long term health? And no, I do battle with those thoughts. But I don't know what the alternative is. Because it's like, yeah, if I, if I exercise, then there's all these other things that then have to be sacrificed.
Katya
Yeah, I guess we should probably just say like, run 100 miles away from anyone who suggests graded exercise therapy, because... it's bullshit...
Hannah
yeah!
Katya
So I I have all of that Hannah. Like, yeah, the fatigue, the shrinking of the world. That's something I wrestle with, because I still, I still say to myself, Oh, but I should be able to do this. It's been a year and I still will like, go on a walk somewhere that doesn't have a pitstop in 20.
Hannah
Yeah, yeah. No, I do the same where I just massively overestimate my abilities, even now. And then I'm sort of shocked, or really disappointed whenI realized that oh, yeah, I can't do this, and I really overestimated what I could do today. And I think because we still don't have a clear understanding of why some people have long COVID and some people don't it adds to that sense of, oh my gosh, I've just had really shit luck! Yeah. But then there's that thing of like, oh, was I doing something wrong in my life to mean that I put myself at more risk of getting long COVID? I've no, you know, you just kind of go around in your head with weird thoughts like that.
Katya
Yeah, speaking of weird thoughts, something that I I kind of now have, which is gonna sound weird., is I dread happy events in this social calendar. Two of my best friends are getting marrie, and each time they told me my first thought was like, I hope I'm well enough to go. I don't know, I just, I've recently missed a hen do and a 30th birthday party, and you just Yeah, someone tells me something great is happening. And my first thought is, yeah, shit. I hope I can go.
Hannah
Yeah, yeah. And it's that knowledge that like, even if you make it there, you're not going to be able to engage with it, perhaps to the level that you would have been in the past. I imagine, you know, it could be linked to that... and the thought of like, oh, this is another great event that I'm going to miss out on in some way or, you know, there's a sense of loss there isn't, perhaps?
Katya
Yeah, it's a sense of loss, but it's constant. It's not a single loss. And then you adapt to it and keep going. Because of the ups and downs. It's like the losses keep coming back. Because I get a little bit better. And so I start reaching for something else. And then I have a bad day. And it's like, well, there goes that! I was asked if I could give a speech at my friend's wedding. And oh, my gosh, I'm still going to do it. It's in April and, like a speech is okay. I mean, yeah... But my, one of my thoughts was, I'm going to do a rap! I had this like rush of energy. And I found a beat and I watched a bunch of YouTube videos on how to do a rap. And I like wrote a rap, and it's just, and I had this image of we'd dim the lights and it would be really funny and just ridiculous! And then it's like... you can't go for a walk! Why do you think you could do a rap in front of like 100 people?!!!! -laughs-
Hannah
-laughs- Yeah, I mean, I've never rapped before but I assume there is like a lot of breath control! And you'd be super puffed out.
Katya
it was something like... oh my god, obviously like this will not be in the podcast! . but it was like.. "chilling in my jammies nerding out on my phone, hashtag kim k, hashtag vacay, hashtag real-deal couple goals, Jay-z Beyonce, Kanye Kim K, Bennifer, Shaggy Scooby Doo? Enough? I need a power couple to relate to!" -Hannah's silent laughter-Like you don't know what to say but I really did...
Hannah
-laughing- I'm impressed!
Katya
And now I'm thinking can I write it out in advance? And can someone like wheel me on to the stage?
Hannah
Like how how could you make that work? Would you do it sitting down?
Katya
The speech or the rap? Okay, yeah. -both laugh- Do you find your tolerance for confrontation has changed?
Hannah
-pauses for a sec- I mean, I am the least confrontational person you will ever meet! -laughs-
Katya
-laughs- You know, those screaming arguments that you have on a regular basis? All those times you put your hand up and say, I don't agree with this. -both laugh-
Hannah
Yeah. I mean, I've always run away from confrontation. But I think I'm, I mean, I do have trouble asserting myself. Particularly when it comes to my COVID symptoms and my needs, I have real trouble being like, oh, no, I need this. I need that. I always feel really like I've got to super over justify it to people or I literally have to like, ask really nicely, I'd be super apologetic.
Katya
I still apologize for my long COVID. You know, I also realise, I can't say no, like, I was supposed to help out at this work social. And I basically couldn't do it because I couldn't get to the building, let alone carry like 20 cans of beer in! And I called my my teammate, who is just the kindest man ever. And I said, I'm so sorry. But I'm really sick. And there's, there is no way I can do the part like I can't help you with the social. And I'd written down on my to do list like BACK OUT OF SOCIAL and I was looking at it and I was like, I can't do it. But if you need any help, please let me know. And I'll I'll help and I'm just like, why are you saying this? There's nothing you can do! - both laugh -
Hannah
I offer help that I like, I really hope they don't follow up on that. Yeah!... But what were you saying about confrontation? that you feel like you're less confrontational?
Katya
No, it's not that I'm less confrontational, I still have to ... I noticed it more at work. I now have a physical response to stress, which I didn't before. So I used to be able to have a difficult conversation, but not physically shake or feel close to tears. Whereas now when the stress goes up, I just lose all of my energy. I have to sit down. I have to slow down, which is yeah, it's not great... Considering I work in quite a high stress environment. Well, more more an environment that's high stress, but where you need to... Yeah, high stress and you need to stay calm. It's like it's hard to stay calm if you're like physically vibrating!
Hannah
yeah. Yeah. That's so interesting.
Katya
How has your life changed since long COVID? Is there anything that changed for the better? I think that's a good one to cover.
Hannah
Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Did you want to go first? Or do you want me to?
Katya
You go first, and then I can just listen and breathe. -LOUD EXAGGERATED BREATH- -laugher- Okay. That's gonna be really hard to edit out because it was straight after... - laughing-
Hannah
-laughing- I know!... Yeah. Okay, so how has my life changed since getting long COVID. And has anything changed for the better? Well, my lifestyle has changed dramatically
Katya
-bursts out laughing- Sorry. I just felt like we could focus on the second part of that question more. I think - I'm tired so i'm getting a bit hysterical! but it's the understatement of the last two and a half years that your lifestyle has changed dramatically -laughs-. Yeah, we should say like, Hannah once did a five minute plank! God, you were so strong at uni. Hannah lifted weights with the boys. It was ridiculous.
Hannah
Oh, god. Yeah. -sighs-
Katya
What's changed for the better Hannah?
Hannah
I think I mean, the thing is, it's gonna just sound super, like saccharine and cliche but you know, it does.. it does make you view your life differently. It has I think it's brought me even closer to my partner Chris, who really gets it and has done so much to look after me. And it's helped us kind of get our sort of priorities about life in order a little bit. You know, I'm not kind of five year planning anymore. I just feel like life is so uncertain. But I do think it makes me a little bit more in the here and now and kind of, I do feel really, like appreciative and grateful for the small things that I do have. I mean, they're not small things like, you know, I've got like a comfortable home and a partner. And I've got, you know, I can still hold down a job, and I've got a family and all those things kind of feel.... I think I appreciate them more now than I did before. Yeah. Because yeah, my life isn't kind of so crowded with other competing
Katya
Trim the fat?
Hannah
Yeah I've trimmed that fat! -laughs-
Katya
I just remember this girl at my old school who was one of the funniest people I've ever met! Once a year, she did like a friend cull. Like, oh, I remember something like I refused to let her like, copy my notes or something. And she's looked at me. And she was like, "it's culling season Katya". I just love the officialness of it. And like the warning she gave everybody! -laughs-
Hannah
Oh my god. -laughs-
Katya
Okay, but this is something we spoke about ages ago. I don't know if you remember this. We spoke about long COVID. And how you only had time for the really important people or it made you made you think about who really who are your real friends? Who are the ones who come over and just wantch you sob on the sofa? Yeah, but i thought you also need those acquaintances, those little people who you just have, you just hope that you stand next to them on the coffee line, or, you know, a colleague who doesn't sit next to you, but they're on the other side of the room, and you've always really liked them.
Hannah
Yeah, yeah, those little interactions, they, you know, they they add to your life as well.
Katya
Sorry, I've taken you away from ... was there anything? Anything else, Hannah?
Hannah
No, that wasn't anything else. I was gonna ask you what you feel is changed for the better?
Katya
Um, so for me, so funny, I wrote things you can do sitting down was the key theme. I learned to draw, I learnt sign language at the beginning of 2022. Because I was just spending so much time alone in my room. And speaking was really tiring, I got up to level one BSL and I absolutely love that and just felt. I think I feel a sense of kinship with people who have some kind of disability. I've never really had an experience of serious illness or an illness that stopped me from doing stuff. And I think it just made me realize, oh, our world is very much made for people who are able-bodied. Like when you have 1000 steps to spend over the course of the day, food shopping is hard.
Hannah
Yeah, definitely. Yeah. It makes you really hyper aware of how many stairs there are everywhere. Definitely. It's weird that you say that because I was looking at the hidden disability website the other day, because I was looking up, you know, over the pandemic, I saw a lot of people wearing these green lanyards with yellow sunflowers on and I never really knew what they were so I just looked it up the other day. And yeah, it's a symbol of hidden disability. And I just kind of went down a rabbit hole on the on that website, and I found the long COVID pages. And I was like, Oh, wow, there's a whole community of people that have hidden disabilities and Yeah, there are things that they can do about it or and ways that they can signify that they have a hidden disability. And yeah, maybe I should start thinking of myself as being one of those people.
Katya
Yeah, that's funny. Interesting. That makes me think of an experience I have fairly regularly actually working / commuting in London of there not being a seat on the train. And I look like I can stand for half an hour. But there are days when I can't and I have got on a train and just been like, like, what am I going to do? Because can I you know, say to someone, can I please have your seat? I'm feeling really ill.
Hannah
Yeah. And I think Well, if I do take an empty seat. I then worry that yeah, I'll be judged for taking that seat and not giving it up for someone else that looks like they might need it
Katya
Yeah. I've thought about getting a badge just like 'please offered me a seat'. It makes you realize how much stigma there still is. Because if you were saying that to me, I'd be like yeah, Hannah wear a badge, but it's, it's hard. Yeah, I guess it's also part of the the sense of unreality that I have with this illness. There's almost a part of me that doesn't think I'm ill... I am ill!!! I'm not!!! - both laugh-
Hannah
-laughing - -sarcastic- Actually, maybe I'm not! maybe i'm fine after all!. Yeah.
Katya
-laughing- -joking- Did I mention that I only sleep for an hour a night? -both laugh- It's not true. I, whenever I I tell a doctor about long COVID The question is always Are you having trouble sleeping? And I'm just like, No, my sleep is amazing. Yeah, yeah. I sleep really well.
Hannah
Yeah, I have heard that that's a symptom of long COVID that some people do have trouble sleeping. And I've, I feel super grateful that I don't have that. Because that must make it so so much worse. To feel that exhausted and not be able to sleep. But yeah, I mean, I would say I sleep, like a normal amount of hours now. Whereas actually, that is one thing that's changed about my long COVID is I don't have to sleep so much now. Whereas in the early days, I was sleeping 10 hours at night and then at every opportunity, I was napping forseveral hours.
Katya
Yeah you and your naps!!!
Hannah
Yeah, I would nap for like three, four hours like so heavily as well! Like no dreams. I'd Wake up really disorientated. Like what happened? Yeah, and it would be dark outside. Yeah. I mean, Chris said he'll always remember when I had a week's holiday (his is when I was still trying to work at the hospital) And my parents were coming to visit for a week. pretty much they turned up, andI just slept the whole week. And Chris was there just trying to entertain my parents for like, multiple days in a row!!! And I was just like, Right, I'm off! -both laugh-
Katya
It sounds almost creepy, though. It sounds like he just just propped you up and went about their day. -both laugh- Yeah, I also just put briefly my relationship with my brother, Luke. Luke has insomnia. And I never understood insomnia until I got long COVID. And I guess there's something amazing about saying to someone, I really, really want to do this, but I'm so tired and them being like, yeah, I completely get that. And Luke would come over to see me once a week, twice a week. And we would just eat pizza and watch TV and not not speak. And just that. Yeah, our relationship, just that sense of understanding. And I guess also actually Hannah us! Because that's something I'm so grateful for. It's I tried to say this to you ages ago. It's hard to come out, right. But as horrible as long COVID is. Like, I'm really glad you have it.- both laugh- It's not quite it, but it's like, I'm glad. I don't know how to say it. It's like, I'm so grateful that i'm not alone! -both laugh-. And I feel like like you were my best friend at uni. And when we left uni, I really missed that. Yeah, you obviously got sick and I didn't get it and in your first year of illness we weren't in close contact. But then when I got sick, I can't tell you it was the best thing in the world. I think it actually saved me to message you and be like, There's something really wrong with me. I genuinely have no idea what to do. I feel sadder than I've ever felt in my life. And you were just like, yeah, I completely get this and your advice was just, it was just everything. Yeah, it just meant so much to me. Yeah!
Hannah
well, you know, yeah -laughs- You've been it's been really... it's been super it's been really nice having you 'join the Club!' -laughs-. Like, yeah, it's weird. It's hard to say it without it making without it sounding really bad! But yeah, it is really nice to have a friend who's going through the same thing.
Katya
That's it! Hannah
Hannah
you know, if anyone's gonna have like, COVID with me, I'm glad it's you -both laugh-
Katya
And on that happy note, we'd like to thank you so much for listening. I really hope you enjoyed our conversation and that you join us next time when we'll be discussing self care.
Hannah
If you enjoyed the podcast, please leave a review and recommend us to a friend. Send your questions and comments to bounded energy@gmail.com Or find us on social media @ bounded energy.
Katya
A huge thank you to Harry Gould, the talented musician he loweredhimself to produce our jingle and Ellie Atkinson, the illustrator who made our rather joyous logo!